My life finally got cool.

That's why I haven't been here much. I know, excuses, excuses. I'm pretty sure I lost my pretty much non-existent readership I had anyways from not posting for so long so I don't think it matters. Anyways, updates, yes?

- Why is it still fucking hot? Where is my fall weather? Hurry the fuck up.
- Chocolate stout is not as good as I expected and this makes me sad.
- I'm learning Spanish and I am proud of that fact.
- Friends are coming up from Alabama, maybe they will decide DC is the place to be. Then life would be even cooler!
- My boyfriend makes me food all the time and then gets slightly offended when I don't try it immediately, and I constantly run out of beer. These are my problems you guys.
- High definition TVs ARE everything they're cracked up to be.
- I enjoy Chinatown so much more when intoxicated.

Alright, movie reviews? It's been a while!



The Social Network:
Otherwise known as the Facebook movie. I thought this would be an alright movie and I was completely wrong. It was an awesome movie. I know everyone's like "Blah, blah, blah, it defines our generation", but it DOES. How do I know this? Well, I updated Facebook while I was watching it. How's that for a definition. If I have children and they have grandchildren, and those grandchildren ask me what life was like when I was young, I will more than likely just have them watch this movie. The acting was pretty wonderful in my opinion (except Timberlake, I just don't care for him), and the cinematography was awesome. My favorite scene regarding that aspect was the rowboat race scene where it looks to me like they used a tilt-shift lens to film it. I don't know much about that stuff, but that is what it looked like and it was pretty beautiful. Another great thing, was that the movie was dramatic, and also seriously funny. I really enjoyed it, go see it now!

I give it five out of five.



It's Kind of a Funny Story:
I love Zach Galifianakis and he was probably the main reason I wanted to see this movie. It was decent, a cute story, a little sappy and a little too teenage drama filled for my liking. Also, since when is Vampire Weekend mentioned in movies? I swear hipsters are taking over our culture, completely. The main thing I liked about this movie was the artistic perspective dealing with the main characters drawings and how he thought of his art. It was different and pretty interesting.

I give it three out of five.

Adios you fine people, I'll talk to you next month probably. Or maybe not. I don't know. I plan on getting into some shenanigans this weekend, so I may have some good writing material then. Who knows.

<33

Blogging while cracked out!!!!!!!!1111!

Well not really cracked out.

Just running on two hours of sleep. For the past thirty-eight hours. During two separate work shifts on two different days.

So yeah, cracked out.

I should be sleeping, I should be curled up in a ball dreaming about the sex I'm not getting, but no, instead the last thirty-eight hours have been filled with far less healthy activities:

- Watching multiple (MULTIPLE) seasons of Weeds and fantasizing about beating the shit out of Silas for always being a dick to Nancy.
- Spending an embarrassing amount of time stalking everyone I know on Facebook.
- Instant messaging my best friend complaining about the sex I'm not getting.
- Obsessively checking my bank account to see if my direct deposits have gone through, even though I have no bills due, and nothing I want to buy immediately.
- Poking my cat repeatedly in the belly until he gets annoyed and tries to murder my hand which then really scares me because I always imagine the pain from his claws to be far worse than it is.
- Giving my dog the evil eye every time she farts.
- Searching the internet for the goriest, most fucked up horror movies I can find and then adding them to the Netflix queue.
- Looking for bikes to buy, deciding on one, finding others, changing my mind, repeat. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
- Eating the same salad from work for dinner and breakfast since I refuse to buy groceries so I can afford said bike.
- Organizing the DVD collection into alphabetical order.
- Smelling the men's cologne samples in my GQ magazines and debating internally about whether I could get away with wearing one just so I could smell myself all the time and be instantly happy.
- And of course, Adult Swim, because no ridiculous amount of time spent awake for no reason would be complete without Adult Swim.

My original plan was to stay up all night, get through work, and then pass out, therefore fixing my sleeping schedule, since sleeping during the hours of 5AM-2PM makes it difficult to get anything productive done when you work afternoons/ evenings. Plan was going well. Until now. I'm tired, not gonna lie, but am I sleeping? No. Why? Because I'm fucking retarded and so easily distracted by things such as Robot Chicken that it is now 3AM and I am still awake. Not only awake but blogging.

Why do I do this to myself?

Anyways, my relatively new job has been amazing, my boyfriend will be here soon, and everything is going swell, so I guess I can't complain too much.

If you were hoping for something helpful like a movie review or a recap of local events, etc, I'm sorry, the only things I've been doing is working and everything listed above.

Maybe next time. K, bai!

<33

Haven't posted in forever, why not do it intoxicated!?!?

Soooooooooo......

I'm drunk (SHHHHHH), and hanging out with three of my best friends, Jessica, Robby, & Shawn. A random thought came to me just now and I decided, why not blog about it?

WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE POST PICTURES OF THEMSELVES ON FACEBOOK AND MYSPACE SITTING ON THE GOD DAMN TOILET!?!?!

I mean, why? Just... Why? Yes, we know you piss and shit just like everyone else in the world, but why in the fuck would you want to show everyone that? It just makes no sense to me, along the lines of God making no sense to me. I know this is completely fucking random, but these are the things I think about. Sooo there's that.

What's been going on in the blogosphere? I'm incredibly behind on everything, ever. I myself am STILL stuck in the hellhole I call Alabama, much to my dismay. If I don't make it up to DC soon suicide may be an option. It's hot here, there's oil everywhere, Christians keep yelling at me for liking Obama. I need to get the fuck out of here.

As for what's going on in my life, um, here's the breakdown:

GOOD:
I was lucky enough to find the best guy in the world and he's now my perfect boyfriend! Inorite!? Who would've guessed right?

BAD:
Everything else.

Happy reading.

<33

Why you should watch "Pom Poko".

Ok, so I'm really hoping this post will make up for my absence (that is sure to continue). What I'm about to tell you about is now one of my top ten reasons to love the existence of the internet.

You know about raccoons (I hope). Well there are animals in Asia known as Japanese Raccoon Dogs. Yes they are adorable and yes I want one.



Anyways, I was reading about these animals (because yes I am a nerd and spend time reading about animals) and happened to, luckily, stumble upon this link:

Raccoon Dogs & Their Magically Expanding Scrotums!

Now I know you're already excited, but it gets so much better. If you go on to read through that post you will learn about how in Japanese folklore apparently the raccoon dogs have magically expanding scrotums. But if you make your way to the comments you will also learn of a Japanese animated film called Pom Poko. In which the raccoon dogs use their magically expanding scrotums as parachutes and weapons.

And now, a new reason to love YouTube:



It gets really good about 1:30 in.

You're welcome. Also, I love you Japan.

<33

FIIIIIIRRRRETRUCKS, Donnie Darko, 80's music, I'm poor.

I have not one thing to write about, but many, and they are all completely un-related. Sooo, there's that.



- Jessica reminded me on my last post that I forgot about the firetruck. To which I say, holy hell, how could I have forgotten about the firetruck!? See, after we watched porn on Shawn's iPhone (it's in my Twitter timeline if you don't believe me) we got some Chinese food and while waiting on said food, we browsed through one of those Penny Saver type booklets full of car ads. Well, there was a firetruck for sale, for, I shit you not, $6,000. That's it, just a measly $6,000. This led to an array of jokes throughout the rest of the evening:

"Gosh, we really shouldn't drive anywhere drunk!"
"It's okay, we have a FIIIIIRRRRRETRUCK!!!!!!!"

"How are we going to fit that many people in the car?"
"It's no problem, we have a FIIIIIIIIRRRRRRETRUCK!!!!!!"

"Man I wish I could take that handicap space."
"Oh we can, because we have a FIIIIIRRRRRETRUCK!!!!!"

"There's a cat stuck in that tree."
"That's fine, we have a ladder, because we have a FIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRETRUCK!!!!!"

And so on about the endless possibilities and solved situations one might find themselves in, if they had a FIIIIIIIIRRRRRRETRUCK. Maybe you had to have been there, but it was hilarious, and we couldn't stop laughing.

- I was having a nice Sunday the other day. I nice Sunday full of sleep. I was abruptly, rudely, horrifyingly, awakened, to what I thought was a jet engine falling through the ceiling of my room (I assume my subconscious pulled this from Donnie Darko). Whatever the jet-engine-propeller-like-noise was, it was loud and I pretty much assumed I was dead. In those split seconds I caught my dog huddled in a corner (instead of protectively positioning herself on top of me, like any good German Shepherd would do), and my cat fly into the water bowl, knocking that over, only to fly right back out onto the dresser, then onto my bed, then into the window, etc. After the full five seconds of impending-death-chaos, I realized the sound was coming from the fan. The ceiling fan. Something was stuck in it. That something was a Christmas tree balloon. Oh ver re action. I was not alone though, my aunt also thought the house was falling apart and I was dead. Because of a jet engine. Maybe we should stop watching Donnie Darko.

- Speaking of my subconscious, I've been having a lot of dreams lately. The last one I can remember is one in which I spend a lot of my time shopping at the DollarTree. I get a couple of everyday groceries until I come to the toothpaste section, where I get angry because I can't find cinnamon flavored toothpaste. I woke up shortly thereafter. I guess in this scenario my subconscious is trying to tell me that I'm poor, so I need to start shopping at the DollarTree, and that I am really honestly getting sick of the nasty peppermint flavored toothpaste that's currently sitting in my bathroom. Way to go brain!

- There is a dog that lives across the road from where I work. He always comes over to beg for food visit, but he never gets close to anyone, or allows anyone to touch him. Ever. For two years. The other day, he let me pet him, for a long time, without any coaxing on my part, in front of everyone. I feel like I have won some type of dog vs. Domino's employee battle, and I'm the most important soldier in the army. I also feel that no one else gives a shit.

- I opened my drop box (it's a Domino's term, you wouldn't know) today and found a little "come to Jesus" booklet. Actually it specifically said:

"You are loved! *MIDGET NOTE!* On the front which got me excited because I thought I had a secret admirer, but upon opening it...* "For God so loved you that he gave his only begotten son (Jesus Christ), that if you would believe (trust, rely, give up to, ask him to come in and take over) in Jesus, you would not perish (suffer for your own sin) but you will have everlasting life. He is the way, the truth, and the life, so when you ask Jesus into your heart, you have everlasting life and heaven becomes your new home!"

Then it tells you what to say to accept Jesus into your heart, tells you to find a church to go to, and blah blah blah. Firstly, I was pissed that it was not a secret admirer, secondly, I know this must be some big "Haha! Let's put the bible thumping pamphlet in the atheist's drop box!" joke, since all of my co-workers know about my religious views. Assholes.

- I was going through my old Twitter posts tonight and in one of them, I accidentally wrote "hear" instead of "here". Way to fail, self.

- Shazam reminded me that there is such a thing as the Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Soundtrack, and ZOMG, it's downloading to my computer (ahem, legally) right this very second!

So, yeah, I'm off to go pretend I'm some 80's thug, killing and stealing in the sunny streets of Miami. Kthanksbye!

<33

I'm giving up for now.

Writing daily or even every other day is just not going to happen right now. I expect to bring this blog back up to full force once I live in Washington, DC. Or once I get internet at my house. Either one. Until then I'll continue to write of course, but they're gonna be pretty spaced out. Sorry to all (few) of you.

- It's December. Yesterday we had a mini hurricane and it was in the 50s, then jumped to the 70s, now it's back down to the 40s. What. The. Fuck.

- It's December. Possibly my favorite month?

- It's December. I still live here.

- Grrrrr.

- Thanksgiving was not nearly as awkward as I feared it would be. My tattoos and stretched earlobes are subjects I don't think some of my family members even knew about. They said not a thing about my sleeve and barely commented on the ears, to say "That's okay for the Africans, but not for you." Okay, I can handle that. Otherwise it was actually very nice.

- I have some time to pass, and I'm spending much of it reading, trying to immerse myself in the stories. I'm also sort of poor at the moment (trying to save and not spend) so I'm re-reading shit I already have. Mostly re-reading long shit. The Twilight saga (I know, I know), Harry Potter, Phillip Pullman's Dark Materials, Chronicles of Narnia, and if I get desperate enough I will try to read the entire bible (mostly for laughs). I started with Twilight. Those books make me want to fall in love with someone (again). It's completely ridiculous. The other stories will do the same. I remember being absolutely angry that Hogwarts wasn't a real place. The point of all this is to distract myself from reality. I have some waiting to do, and I'm impatient as fuck, so I think this is the best plan.

- While I'm not reading I'll be working and hating people, drinking with my friends in yet another attempt to escape reality, and sitting in front of the library stealing internet so I can write on this thing and download Christmas songs. Such a limited-activity-life.

- Jessica didn't know what scissoring was. Shawn and I were able to fix that with a 70's porn video on his iPhone. It. Was. Hilarious.

- If you wanna hang out with me all day you should follow me on Twitter. It's the same thing.

- My cat is probably getting lonely so I better go. See ya!

<33

Hooray for no internet and stealing library wifi!

So needless to say, this will be short.

I will have you know that this just happened:



Yeah that's what my phone looks like. Android > iPhone. I can change themes whenever I want as well. Thank not-god for apps.

I'll also have you know that this happened:



In case you can't read that (because you're dumb and forgot how to clink images) it says:
"Aye Wass Good, I'd Preciate If U'd Stop By My Page, N' SHow Some Love N' I'd Get Bacc At Ya, Make Sure U Listen 2 THa Music Ya Kno! ~Kidd Songz~"

I don't even really know how to respond, but you better believe I hit the deny button.

- My co-worker swears that the employees at our Books-A-Million "quack" over the intercom at customers to "persuade" them to stop reading and actually buy shit. Whether he's right or they're just fucking with people (my opinion), I think that's amazing.

- Renting a beach house for a New Years Eve party is a big possibility, and if so, it's going dooooowwwwwnnnnn.

- I used to like a certain name so much I had decided to name my future son by that name. Now that two (count em, TWO) guys with said name have become obsessed with me, I kind of hate the name. This is sad.

- Remember that baby story I was going on and on about a while back? Well when I was a baby my Mom took me to a gay pride festival in DC (and you know those gay boys loved little Caitlin!) and someone suggested I take a picture with Barney. Why Barney was there I don't know. Anyways, I sat down with Barney, started to immediately look perturbed, and then I slapped Barney in the face. Hard. I hated Barney throughout the rest of my childhood.

- Yeah that was it. I don't know why I made such a big deal out of it. *Shrug*

- Nothing funny left to say, so peace!

<33

Time for some other highlights.

I never really had time to write more about the DC trip until now. I'm going to make this short.

It was awesome, Alabama sucks.

That's all I got. No, really, Fotoweek was amazing. The Metro didn't take too long to get me anywhere while I rode it, so no complaints there. The energy prior to the Capitols game in Chinatown was awesome and for the first time in my life I wanted to go to a hockey game. I actually think once I move up to DC I may just get into sports. I can't believe I just said that, but yeah. I think it's gonna happen.



Tono Sushi: Good as always. They have some amazing sushi. They have expanded their menu since the last time I ate there and my Mom got Thai (as always) and that was good too. When I live in DC I will definitely be getting food delivered from them if I live close enough. The spicy tuna rolls are making me hungry just thinking about them.

As mentioned already, Fotoweek along with the permanent museums all over DC definitely gave me my fix in art. I think browsing art is one of the most important activities one can partake in, unless of course you just don't appreciate art, and if you're one of those people you're a douchebag and I don't want to ever talk to you again. Seriously. Art is one of the few things I think the human race got right.





Those are spaces in which one can go through a huge range of emotion.

Georgetown, thanks again for reminding me that I am broke as shit. If I ever win the lottery I will definitely spend a huge amount of it on clothing in that neighborhood.

All in all, the trip was a success, and I had a great time with mi madre.



The trip back was the suck. We got caught in the remnants of "hurricane" Ida and it took a whopping 19 hours to get home (usually takes 14-15). I kept having to pull over because of the storm, the truckers decided it was a perfect time to drive like complete jackasses, the rain turned into tiny little ice crystals, and it was fucking freeeeeezing. Mostly due to the high winds (that blew my tiny Celica all over the interstate).

There was one thing we experienced on the way home that made the long drive worth it. Maybe you had to have been there, but it was the funniest thing I've seen in a while, and somehow, I got a picture of it with the cellular.



We actually had to hop over it multiple times, and well of course we didn't tell him it was there! I don't think it would have been so funny, if not for the immense length of the toilet paper. Poor guy. Hahahahaha.

That's it for now. I'm off to wallow in my depression stemming from being back in Alabama. I will also be stuck here for longer than previously planned, due to the fact that my army friend (a best friend) is coming back for New Years, and I don't feel right about not taking the opportunity to see him. So I will wait. All I can say is, 2010, don't let me down.

<33

Holy hell...

Hah, two things I do not believe in whatsoever!

First off, to make up for not writing, I give you this:



I found it pretty entertaining, to say the least.

Secondly, wow, someone forgot how much shit you have to do when moving! My Mom is moving to DC this weekend (I am taking her up there) and this week has been insanely chaotic, what with helping her and working and recovering from Halloween.

Yes kids, Halloween was a bit ridiculous. If you go back in my Twitter history some ways, you will see some things I don't even remember writing. Apparently at one point I did not even know where I was. The night was crazy, fun, and actually very safe in case you're worried (I know you aren't, assholes).

Anyways, so this week has been crazy, once I arrive in DC this weekend (Sunday to be specific) I may have time to write about something. It will probably be something regarding how much the Metro sucks. I hope the video made up for my absence.

See you guys in the city!

<33

PS. I may be moving up there as well sooner than I thought. We shall see!

Smartphones are sort of everything.

Well now they are.



At any given time of the day my phone looks like something in the above photo. Or I'm on one of the two Facebook apps I have. I will admit it guys.

I'm hopelessly addicted to social networking apps.

I don't have an iPhone, I have something better, an Android phone, and it is app crazy just like the iPhone.

I used to be pretty bad about spending too much time on Myspace, but now I have since started spending less and less time on it, considering it's a dirty bitch. Really, Myspace is a fat dirty whore. I hate it.

I then got sucked into Facebook. Then I really fell far and signed up on Twitter. At first I almost hated myself for starting to "tweet", but now I've come to love it. It's so simple that I find myself on Twitter more than anything else. Now that everything is mobile it's easy for one to feel like they're always talking to friends and sharing experiences. I think this is nice, but is there a downfall?

Can we now ever be in a situation that's so insanely awesome that we won't shit our pants because we can't "tweet" about it, or update our Facebook status? Can we just stay silent? I just don't know if it's possible for me anymore, I'd rather share it with everyone!

So there it is. I'm addicted. Hopelessly. Can't say I mind though.

<33

PS. In case you aren't already socially obsessed with me, here is my Facebook & Twitter & just for good measure to promote my "art", my deviantART. You bitches better recognize.

Could a party with ALL of my friends even work?

I want to have a going away party, and I want to invite all of my friends! The problem is, I hang out with different people, and if I really do that, it could potentially be as awkward as this:



Okay, that's a little too far, maybe this situation would fit the awkward feeling more:



Yeah...

I just don't know if all of my friends would get along. First of all, the age difference. I normally hang out with people between the ages of 18-24, but if I invited all of my friends, it'd probably be more like 16-26, with the occasional 15 & 34 year old.

So many different groups would be represented...

The married people.
Whether or not they are actually married, you know who these couples are. They always stick together, and while they may be fun to hang out with, sometimes inviting them to a balls-out-holy-fuck-shit-drunk-omg party may prove boring for them.

The metal kids.
They have a lot of tattoos and piercings, and many times have no money or vehicles in which to transport themselves (personal experience people!), and while the ones I hang out with are extremely intelligent, funny, and top of the barrel artists, some kids may find them scary and intimidating.

The preppy kids.
These are the kids who probably wouldn't know what to do with the metal kids. They would bring a lot of alcohol, and they would probably know how to party the best due to them spending most of their high school/college years doing just that, but they can be snobby (you know it's true), and it would piss everyone else off.

The nerds.
Actually a lot of nerds I hang out with are pretty hot, and not socially awkward, but they still tend to get into hour long discussions about hacking and World of Warcraft, and while I myself may enjoy these thoughtful insights, it can throw others off.

The hipsters.
They'd supply good music, plenty of Pabst Blue Ribbon, and they'd all be dressed fine as hell. I think everyone else would be ashamed, actually.

The gays.
They would wonder why there's so many fucking straight people at the party and leave. There goes the chance of anything really interesting happening during the night.

The intellectuals.
They would sit in a corner and talk amongst themselves and make fun of everyone else at the party (AHEM, Cameron and Sean!), and while this might be incredibly entertaining to me, it probably wouldn't be to others. Especially the snobby preppy kids.

The atheists.
They'd piss off all the religious preppy kids.

The Christians.
They'd piss off all the nerds and metal kids.

The kids who don't fit anything else.
That person who hacks computers, listens to hardcore rap, metal, and techno, dresses quite well (almost preppy/hipster combo like), has a lot of tattoos, can talk to intellectuals or retards, and is also bisexual (that person is out there and when I find him/her, he/she will be my best friend).

And then...

The drunk bitch.
There's one at every party, and with this many options, there's no telling what said drunk bitch of the night would conjure up.

Good idea? One can't know until they attempt it...

<33

ATTN FRIENDS: Yes, it's based off all of you, and oh my gawd, if you get offended by this joke, you're no longer invited.

You know who's hot?

I haven't done an installment of this in a while, and I'm short on time, so there.



I don't know why but I find Paul Rudd to be irresistibly attractive! It caught me off guard to tell you the truth, but oh boy, the things I would do to this man. He's so hot in such a normal kind of way. If I ever get married and have kids (HAH!), I want the guy I do those things with to be exactly like Paul Rudd. He's recently been in a lot of movies, mostly comedies, including I Love You, Man, Role Models, and Knocked Up.



A girl saying Johnny Depp is hot is sort of equivalent to a girl saying she has a vagina. It's just common knowledge. Now, I don't know if you've been under a rock lately, but a mass amount of straight guys also agree that Johnny Depp is hot. I've had many guy friends proudly explain that they would let Johnny Depp do anything he wanted to them.

Well, Megan Fox is my equivalent. That girl is perfection, and if I looked like her, I'm 99.7% sure I'd rule the world. I'm surprised she doesn't already, and I'm chalking it up to the fact that she's probably not as intelligent as she is hot. That doesn't matter though, because she's hot. She's the new Angelina Jolie (I know you may need time for that to sink in, but yes, that just happened). If you're a guy who doesn't find her attractive, well, I'll be glad to join you during your next outing at Emerald City. If you don't know what major films Megan Fox has been in, you're no longer my friend.

You're welcome, very welcome, for the above photos. Do enjoy.

- Completely unrelated note! A new manager recently joined us at work. He is a redneck, to say the least. My co-driver said this yesterday: "That guy needs to crawl back into the can of Skoal he came out of." Needless to say, I will be borrowing that sentence for years to come.

<33

Hey um, cold weather...

I really enjoy hanging out with you cold weather, but you're leaving again! Why so soon? You're supposed to stick around until March at least! You definitely seemed to be loving Nashville, what do you have against us on the coast of Alabama? Teasing us by hanging out for a few days is a pretty bitch move. Just sayin'. Hot weather, fuck you. I'm breaking up with you, and I don't want to see you again until June. Actually I may not want to ever see you again, you dick.

In case you're retarded, I'm quite unhappy about this psycho weather fluctuation. It's fall, it's supposed to be chilly, not hot, you dumb fucking atmosphere.

Anyways...

- I delivered some pasta to some stupid teenager the other day (yeah I know I'm still 19, shut up). After I gave her the food the following conversation took place:

Twit: "Soo ummm, they don't, like, send those free cake thingies with pasta anymoreeeee?"
Me: "No, that was just an introductory promotion for the Lava Cakes."
Twit: "Introductory... What?"
Me: "It was just a thing they did at first to promote the Lava Cakes, to get people to try them."
Twit: "So like, they're never going to be free again?"
Me: "....No...."
Twit: "BUMMERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! That's so laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame! Whatevaaa."
Me: "Hah, yeah... Have a nice day."
Twit: *Half smile/ nod/ I'm a total cunt bitch who needs to go back to elementary school look.*

I wanted to go to my car, grab my fine-tipped Sharpie, and run back inside to attempt to stab her to death in the eye with it. I hope that when she gets a little bit older than 15 she learns to talk. If I one day find out she's actually older than me, I will lose all hope for the human race.

- If one more grocery store cashier tries to tell me what to do with my debit card, I will punch them in the face, and then punch them in the face again. I run my debit card as credit. If you're one of the many people who for some really fucked up reason didn't know you can run debit as credit, yes, you can. I'll explain, when you use plastic you are transferring electronic funds to whatever company you're purchasing merchandise from. They are taking money from somewhere. The only difference is this: Debit cards have money you put on them. Credit cards have money someone else put on them that you are borrowing and will eventually pay back. The card can be run as either thing. I run it as credit because I don't like to enter my PIN number in public (it's incredibly easy to remember four numbers) and banks usually have some incentive for you to run your card as credit. My bank used to give me points for "all non-PIN purchases" which means, run your card as credit for everything. Anyways, these fucking cashiers lately have been arguing with me. I'll try to run it as credit and it won't work (because the strip is diminishing fucked) and then they insist on trying themselves and they're all, "Oh well it's a DEBIT card, silly!". Then when it still doesn't work and I ask for a plastic bag to put over the strip so it'll work they ignore me and continue to waste ten minutes of my life trying to swipe my card 687 times. When they finally give into me asking for a bag, I take about 7 seconds to wrap it in the plastic, swipe it, and successfully run it through as credit. If these cashiers would just listen to me upfront then the line wouldn't be held up to Michigan and back, and I wouldn't be royally pissed off.

It's like people who try to tell me my dog is not a German Shepherd, but a Collie mix. She's a long haired bi-color German Shepherd. The people who come off like they know everything about dogs, literally know nothing about German Shepherds, and I find it ridiculous that they spend time arguing with me about it even though I have her papers, drove to PA to get her from a very good breeder, and have an extensive purebred pedigree on her. The people who know dogs? They say, "Oh that's a pretty German Shepherd!" They know immediately. Did you know German Shepherds can come in white, silver, all black, sable, and even "blue"? Well you do now.

Moral to these stories. If you're not 100% sure you know everything about anything, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

- Now that I've complained about everything ever, I leave you with this. Courtesy of the fine people of Nashville for introducing me to this. Also, don't hate me after watching. ;)



<33

Oh Nashville, you are quite entertaining.

I'm writing to you from Nashville, TN. Second day of my stay here, I will be sadly returning home tomorrow. We had a crazy party last night and I danced to a ridiculous amount of techno music, and drank a ridiculous amount of Pabst Blue Ribbon. I do believe I was bitten multiple times and I was also coaxed into kissing a girl apparently. I was drawn on and my knuckles say "SOFTBALL". It was a night full of random awesome-ness. Amazing to say the least.

While here I've been introduced to this video. Apparently Dan Deacon is sitting in a closet tripping on acid and saying all this stuff, but further research says he wasn't. Regardless, it is fucking hilarious.



The weather up here is amazing (in my opinion). It's been around 45-50 F the entire time. I was able to wear my favorite plaid button up! According to friends back home the weather has gotten far more tolerable in the deep south, but knowing my luck it will go right back to being hot when I return tomorrow. Hopefully not.

On another note, one can truly realize how much they hate Alabama when made to drive through it's entirety.

We are currently playing Star Wars monopoly and there is Asian porn (from the fucking 80s VHS style) playing in the background on a huge television. Cause I mean what else should one play in the background! The acting and music choice is so incredibly horrible it is actually very funny. You know you wish you were here too! Right!?

Anyways, I'm going to stop being unsocial, and I do hope everyone else is having such a great weekend as I am!

<33

Wow, I've been slacking!

Things have been busy. I can't remember the last time I had an off day. It's been pretty much a week and a half of work, sleep, maybe squeeze in some friend time, back to work or sleep.

I'm slacking on this so much but I will get right back to normal as soon as possible!

This weekend I will be in Nashville, and then next weekend hopefully a college friend I haven't seen in forever is coming down and then like two weeks after that I'll be going up to DC for four days. In between I will find time for you internet buddies, I will!

Yeah that's right, I'm going up to DC for four days in November. About fucking time. I just need to be "home" for a bit.

NEWS BULLET: It was my dog's birthday today, she is now six years old, RECOGNIZE! She can now stop aging, please.

So anyways, stay cool guys, your little midget apparently-middle-eastern-looking girl is not going anywhere!

I'll be back!

<33

Pssst! I may have a bit of a crush on someone. Oh em gee right!?

You need to see this.

Bayfest is officially over, I am soaked from the rain, tired from Akon crowd surfing on top of me (yes, seriously!!), and not in the mood to blog.

I would have not posted anything, but I feel that you all need to see this.



You're quite welcome.

(Seriously, guys, I touched Akon and heard T-Pain sing "I'm On A Boat", details tomorrow!)

<33

What to say, what to say...

I am excited, not really because of T-Pain, Akon, or Ludacris (though I was excited about Stone Temple Pilots, but missed them thanks to having to work today), but because it's a large gathering of people partying and having a good time, and I'm off for two days in a row to enjoy it.

Bayfest '09, do not fail me.

What else to talk about, oh my baby story! Yeah, no, maybe next week. I do have some good ole' random shit for you though.

- Throughout the day on my deliveries, I often encounter things that make life worth living. Today I noticed the truck next to me had a passenger seat occupied by a giant lifesized teddy bear. This made me almost as happy as seeing that window a while back that had "DONUTS! Oh nom nom nom nom nom!" written on it.

- I also saw a fat kid riding a bike and of course upon seeing me he screamed "DOMINO'S!!!!!!!!!" This caused a chuckle.

- I've come to the conclusion that sand dunes are pretty amazing. My friends and I explore such natural areas in the middle of the night on the beach, cause I mean, what else is there to do in Gulf Shores, AL? Anyways, last night under a bright moon, I really came to appreciate them. They're like a mix between a desert and swamp-like plants. We found caves that are literally formed by low trees and shrubs, and even were lucky enough to enjoy a coyote howling extravaganza very close to us. Which by the way, was not scary in the least, coyotes tend to be pussies.

- How blunt must one be with a stupid person? Some crabby lady walked into Domino's yesterday and asked me what the deal was with the $6.00 large pizzas (there is a huge sign out front advertising said deal). I explained to her that they were large one topping pizzas for $6. She responded, "So what does that consist of?" I again repeated, "Um, a large one topping..." She continued asking me the same question. I mean, really? You get a large fucking pizza with fucking sauce and cheese, and whatever god damn ONE topping you want on it, and please stop wasting my time with stupid questions the other 95% of the population can figure out in two seconds! Sorry got carried away.

On that cheerful note, I'll end this. You probably won't hear from me all weekend, I'll be enjoying Bayfest and hanging out with my very best of friends. Also, I switched my domain over to something more custom and fabulous, take notice. Have a fun, safe weekend!

<33

Reasons to hate the human race.

Sorry I haven't been writing as much. It's been semi-busy here in shitty Alabama. The same will probably be true of next week, what with Bayfest and college friends coming down to visit.

Anyways, on to various reasons to hate people.

1. People who don't know proper restaurant manners.
So I'm at work right, and we have ten minutes to go before closing (Domino's, FYI). We haven't had an order in an hour so half the shit we have to clean is already cleaned, and we're ready to go. Then a phone call comes in.



So I answer it (I mean, I freaking have to!). This lady then spends five minutes ordering two things, all the time screaming into my ear not only at me, but at loud children, and at other people asking them if they want drinks for the road (WTF?). Finally she finishes fucking ordering. I leave the store with her food five minutes after we're closed (it had to cook first, duh) and head to the outskirts of town (yeah, she lived in BFE too!). I get there and do the whole money-pizza transaction thing.

Now let me explain something. If you keep servers of any kind working late, you better tip more than usual for inconveniencing them. This is common sense, and if you don't do this, you are a douchebag!

This lady gives me a $2.03 tip. I just silently turned around and got back into my car, trying not to scream or slam my door in their yard. I don't have anything else to say on this subject, you all should be able to feel my anger through this post already.

2. People who can't comprehend simple things.
Our work parking lot/driveway is one way. There's huge white arrows painted all over the parking lot making this blatantly obvious. Yet, every single day, multiple people go the wrong way and then make it a pain in the ass for everyone else to back out or pull in. See our parking spaces are slanted in one direction (since it's one way, ya know) and there are three parallel parking spaces in addition to the slanted ones. The parallel spaces can block the driveway if large vehicles park in them without getting close to the curb, so they are there only as a last option when there are no more slanted spaces left. Anyone with one iota of intelligence can grasp this concept. I wish I had a fucking dime for how many times a gigantic SUV has a) pulled in going the opposite direction despite the clearly marked arrows b) parked in a parallel space instead of a slanted one even though there are more than four slanted spaces open c) parked in the parallel space on the end, away from the curb, crooked, therefore blocking the driveway to other customers and delivery drivers entering from the right direction. Everyday I watch the madness unfold from inside and shake my head in sadness.

3. People who interrupt you when you're clearly busy.
There is one thing I really can't stand, and that is when people talk to me while I'm reading or writing. I can understand a short, "Hey when you're done let me know, I have something to talk to you about", but so many people just start the conversation and act oblivious to the fact that I'm actually trying to concentrate on something! I even try to ignore them by not looking up from what I'm doing and they just keep trucking on! One day I'm going to snap. I just don't know how much more I can take.

- On a completely unrelated note, Regions Bank, you need to STFU already. Everyday I hear your commercial on the radio talking about your LifeGreen Free Checking accounts, where people can do their banking online or over the phone for free and never have to deal with paper mail, and oh em gee it's like totally a reason to switch banks! Uh, Wachovia has had the same shit for at least three years that I know of and it's not even special to them, it's just standard. Regions, you fail.

- If you ever want to listen to a song that will either make you want to dance your hot ass off in a club, or have crazy good sex, I suggest downloading the "Zion" song off the Matrix Reloaded soundtrack. It works. Also, do not ever listen to the song "Dunkie Butt" by 12 Gauge, unless you want it stuck in your head for over 24 hours, like I did.

Because I like to ruin people's lives, I'm going to of course tempt you with this:


Peace out, story from my baby years tomorrow, look forward to it!

<33

I introduce to you:

The amazing-ness that is Starburst commercials.









I may actually write about something soon, but not now! Kthanxbai!

<33

Snakes, pepper-jack cheese, and Madonna.

Yes you guessed it! This post has no form whatsoever, like so many others, it's just completely random because that's how the last couple of days have been for me.

- First off, I consider myself an excellent snake catcher! Seriously though, I delivered pizza to a lady two days ago and while handing her the food at her door, I caught movement to my right side and low and behold a snake! I nonchalantly informed her of this and she sorta freaked out. So I picked up a stick, told her I would handle it, and walked over and caught the damn thing like a professional. Was it poisonous? I don't know. Do I care? No! I'm a freaking snake handler!

(Seriously though, don't pick up random snakes, it is dangerous, and I really do know how to do it properly, there is a technique to pinning the head down and pinching behind it's jaws, blah blah blah, you still run the risk of getting bitten.)

It wasn't big or anything though, just a baby. The lady was in shock and when she finally paid me (yes, while I was holding the damn thing), I drove down the road (hard with a snake in your hand) and released him (or her) into the wild forest. He was pissed. If only he knew.




Yes, I know. Pikachu hangs out with me while I drive; Be jealous! Anyways, this is the second time I've caught a snake in the last month, maybe I should start charging?

- You know, throughout my day I think of things I want to write about and sometimes jot them down in my phone so I don't forget. Just now I'm reading those notes and one of them is "waking up screaming". I have no idea what myself is talking about, and that is creepy.

- There was a guy in the store the other day. He was staring at me with an awful expression. I walked outside and after seeing his van realized why:



People who are that into god, just don't like me. "She's got too many gosh darned tattoos, she must be one of them der devil worshippers!" I know I'm being unfairly judgmental, but just let it go, okay?

- Two things I like very much include pepper-jack cheese and gallon jugs of Sunny D. I would be happy if pepper-jack cheese replaced all cheese, and I made a pizza the other day by doing just that, and it was beautiful. As far as the gallon jugs of Sunny D, well they are just so big and bright and one can't help but feel pretty damn triumphant when drinking from one.

- Speaking of orange juice, the other day I was drinking a glass of it, and set my laptop on the floor beneath the dresser said glass was resting on. I quickly thought it wasn't a good idea in case the glass spilled so I moved my laptop much farther away. Two minutes later when reaching for the glass I knocked it over. I'm glad to know I can subconsciously read the future.

- I really never talk to girls. The eight last people I received text messages from are guys, and the ninth is a girl, but she's gay. See my point? There's also Jessica, but she's my childhood best friend turned pretty much sister, and that doesn't count.

- When people order food at my place of employment, and I explain to them that if they get the larger pizza (with the same shit on it) it costs less, and they say no... It makes me want to take a fucking samurai sword and slice my own arm off.

- Speaking of samurai swords, maybe it's not such a good idea to break into houses because look at what happened to this guy: JHU student kills burglar with samurai sword! Don't fuck with college students, they're already stressed out enough to kill from shit like essays and speeches.

- I'm outside and a gigantic beetle just flew into my lap and now that I have removed it whilst screaming, I am just fully creeped out.

- I ordered Pizza Hut. I work for Domino's. I feel like a traitor. (It was good.)

- Someone I know recently said something along the lines of "Lady Gaga is the queen of pop, fuck Madonna".

OH NO YOU DIDN'T!?

Please take back that statement, forget about Lady Gaga's sex crazed music videos, and take a second to remember who Madonna is:




Lady Gaga queen of pop my ass, Madonna may be older and refined now, but that doesn't change a damn thing!

- On my last note, I notice that lots of movie scenes feature people waving to other people who are leaving in cars. Thing is, the people waving goodbye are often standing in the middle of the road. Who does that!? Especially in say, NYC!? I would be happy if they got hit by a bus or a bike messenger or something after standing in the road for fucking ever, now that would be a movie.

I'm gonna go now, I have photography (shitty art attempt) to attend to!

<33