Goodbye cloves, greetings fall!

First we'll cover the good stuff.



Good riddance to you sir! You stupid, worthless, annoying, infuriating temperate season that is called summer. I for one, am thrilled to feel you leaving us. Yesterday I had to drive around in 90+ degree weather and I hated my life. Today however, I was greeted by the wonderful, beautiful, temperate season that goes by the name fall. I felt like a different person. I delivered pizza all day with the windows down, breathing in the nice crisp air. I was so hyperactive that at one point I was actually jogging in circles inside my place of employment. Weather like this makes me want to go outside forever and just run (and that's serious because I normally hate running). I am head over heels in love with the outdoors right now.

I know I'm getting too excited though, because if I've learned anything from living down here as long as I have, it's that the summer heat is a fucking backstabbing bitch and likes to tease people. It'll probably be back before it loses it's grasp completely. I really hope fall hangs around for Bayfest at least.

Now onto the bad.



Goodbye my loves! I was able to snag two packs of you (illegally) from my very trustworthy gas station attendant but I fear that it's for the last time. I also was only able to get the smooth versions of you, and they're not as good. So sad. For those of you living in caves, there has been a ban on all flavored cigarettes. It fucking sucks. I smoke, but I'm not a true smoker. As in, I don't smoke as a habit. I smoke at parties, special occasions, etc. Not everyday, or even every week. The ability to smoke without becoming addicted to nicotine runs in my family as evidenced by both my aunt and grandmother. Anyways, usually I smoke menthols (cheap and they don't taste like cigarettes and I hate the taste of cigarettes), but occasionally I would spring for Djarum Blacks, Djarum Splashes, or Sweet Dreams Belgium Blends (originally called Chocolate Mocha, because they are really chocolate flavored cigarettes). These are brands I rarely found in gas stations, mostly in specialty shops. Now however I can never buy them legally in the US except in mini cigar form, which I hear taste nasty, and I hate cigars anyways. I understand cigarettes are bad, I understand the corporations controlling them are greedy bastards, I voted for Obama and still like him, but I think this ban is bullshit. I don't favor bans on anything, since this again is putting the blame on product and not people. The main reason for this ban is the argument that it markets to children. I don't see too many children in specialty tobacco stores, and the ones I see smoking are usually smoking normal cigarettes anyways. 95% of the people I've met in my life didn't even know chocolate cigarettes existed. If your child is smoking, once again, this is probably a sign that you are being a shitty parent. Now everyone (of legal age and sound mind) who enjoyed these cigarettes are fucked and many small businesses who depended on the sales of these often difficult to find brands will suffer.

I like you Obama, I really do, but on this, fuck you. Christmas & New Years will never be the same now without the snap, crackle, and pop, of a Black cigarette.

I promised you all the baby story yesterday and didn't post it because my internet was out. Well tonight I'm going to skip on it again. Sorry, maybe tomorrow? It's not that important anyways. I'm off to enjoy the weather, nurse my wound from losing my special cigarettes, and take sleeping pills to attempt to turn around my completely fucked sleeping schedule.

Have a good fall-weather-feeling night!

<33

Reasons to hate the human race.

Sorry I haven't been writing as much. It's been semi-busy here in shitty Alabama. The same will probably be true of next week, what with Bayfest and college friends coming down to visit.

Anyways, on to various reasons to hate people.

1. People who don't know proper restaurant manners.
So I'm at work right, and we have ten minutes to go before closing (Domino's, FYI). We haven't had an order in an hour so half the shit we have to clean is already cleaned, and we're ready to go. Then a phone call comes in.



So I answer it (I mean, I freaking have to!). This lady then spends five minutes ordering two things, all the time screaming into my ear not only at me, but at loud children, and at other people asking them if they want drinks for the road (WTF?). Finally she finishes fucking ordering. I leave the store with her food five minutes after we're closed (it had to cook first, duh) and head to the outskirts of town (yeah, she lived in BFE too!). I get there and do the whole money-pizza transaction thing.

Now let me explain something. If you keep servers of any kind working late, you better tip more than usual for inconveniencing them. This is common sense, and if you don't do this, you are a douchebag!

This lady gives me a $2.03 tip. I just silently turned around and got back into my car, trying not to scream or slam my door in their yard. I don't have anything else to say on this subject, you all should be able to feel my anger through this post already.

2. People who can't comprehend simple things.
Our work parking lot/driveway is one way. There's huge white arrows painted all over the parking lot making this blatantly obvious. Yet, every single day, multiple people go the wrong way and then make it a pain in the ass for everyone else to back out or pull in. See our parking spaces are slanted in one direction (since it's one way, ya know) and there are three parallel parking spaces in addition to the slanted ones. The parallel spaces can block the driveway if large vehicles park in them without getting close to the curb, so they are there only as a last option when there are no more slanted spaces left. Anyone with one iota of intelligence can grasp this concept. I wish I had a fucking dime for how many times a gigantic SUV has a) pulled in going the opposite direction despite the clearly marked arrows b) parked in a parallel space instead of a slanted one even though there are more than four slanted spaces open c) parked in the parallel space on the end, away from the curb, crooked, therefore blocking the driveway to other customers and delivery drivers entering from the right direction. Everyday I watch the madness unfold from inside and shake my head in sadness.

3. People who interrupt you when you're clearly busy.
There is one thing I really can't stand, and that is when people talk to me while I'm reading or writing. I can understand a short, "Hey when you're done let me know, I have something to talk to you about", but so many people just start the conversation and act oblivious to the fact that I'm actually trying to concentrate on something! I even try to ignore them by not looking up from what I'm doing and they just keep trucking on! One day I'm going to snap. I just don't know how much more I can take.

- On a completely unrelated note, Regions Bank, you need to STFU already. Everyday I hear your commercial on the radio talking about your LifeGreen Free Checking accounts, where people can do their banking online or over the phone for free and never have to deal with paper mail, and oh em gee it's like totally a reason to switch banks! Uh, Wachovia has had the same shit for at least three years that I know of and it's not even special to them, it's just standard. Regions, you fail.

- If you ever want to listen to a song that will either make you want to dance your hot ass off in a club, or have crazy good sex, I suggest downloading the "Zion" song off the Matrix Reloaded soundtrack. It works. Also, do not ever listen to the song "Dunkie Butt" by 12 Gauge, unless you want it stuck in your head for over 24 hours, like I did.

Because I like to ruin people's lives, I'm going to of course tempt you with this:


Peace out, story from my baby years tomorrow, look forward to it!

<33

I introduce to you:

The amazing-ness that is Starburst commercials.









I may actually write about something soon, but not now! Kthanxbai!

<33

Bad mood guys, bad mood.

Seriously.

This is the only productive thing to come out of the last couple of days (well and the fourth sit of my sleeve, which I'll talk about later).



That and my other new photography can be found (and appreciated maybe?) on my Deviantart.

Everything else that has happened over the last couple of days has only solidified my opinion that I really do not enjoy living here. I need the city like I need oxygen.

I really don't have anything else to say right now. Sorry guys. Maybe I'll be in a better mood tomorrow. Everyone has their shitty moods.

<33

Totally makes me want to go to Vegas.

The Hangover:
Let me first say, you have to be somewhat immature to enjoy this movie. Let me now say, that I fit the bill for that, so I enjoyed the hell out of it. It's not realistic, not one bit, but that doesn't matter because it is funny. Slamming a baby's head into a car door is funny (when it's not real of course). Waking up to a tiger in your bathroom is funny (when it's not real of course). Marrying a stripper when you're drunk in Las Vegas is funny (when it's not real of course). So if you are immature in the least bit, please go see it. If you're someone who is serious and doesn't drink (ie. boring), then maybe you should pass.

I give it four out of five.

Snakes, pepper-jack cheese, and Madonna.

Yes you guessed it! This post has no form whatsoever, like so many others, it's just completely random because that's how the last couple of days have been for me.

- First off, I consider myself an excellent snake catcher! Seriously though, I delivered pizza to a lady two days ago and while handing her the food at her door, I caught movement to my right side and low and behold a snake! I nonchalantly informed her of this and she sorta freaked out. So I picked up a stick, told her I would handle it, and walked over and caught the damn thing like a professional. Was it poisonous? I don't know. Do I care? No! I'm a freaking snake handler!

(Seriously though, don't pick up random snakes, it is dangerous, and I really do know how to do it properly, there is a technique to pinning the head down and pinching behind it's jaws, blah blah blah, you still run the risk of getting bitten.)

It wasn't big or anything though, just a baby. The lady was in shock and when she finally paid me (yes, while I was holding the damn thing), I drove down the road (hard with a snake in your hand) and released him (or her) into the wild forest. He was pissed. If only he knew.




Yes, I know. Pikachu hangs out with me while I drive; Be jealous! Anyways, this is the second time I've caught a snake in the last month, maybe I should start charging?

- You know, throughout my day I think of things I want to write about and sometimes jot them down in my phone so I don't forget. Just now I'm reading those notes and one of them is "waking up screaming". I have no idea what myself is talking about, and that is creepy.

- There was a guy in the store the other day. He was staring at me with an awful expression. I walked outside and after seeing his van realized why:



People who are that into god, just don't like me. "She's got too many gosh darned tattoos, she must be one of them der devil worshippers!" I know I'm being unfairly judgmental, but just let it go, okay?

- Two things I like very much include pepper-jack cheese and gallon jugs of Sunny D. I would be happy if pepper-jack cheese replaced all cheese, and I made a pizza the other day by doing just that, and it was beautiful. As far as the gallon jugs of Sunny D, well they are just so big and bright and one can't help but feel pretty damn triumphant when drinking from one.

- Speaking of orange juice, the other day I was drinking a glass of it, and set my laptop on the floor beneath the dresser said glass was resting on. I quickly thought it wasn't a good idea in case the glass spilled so I moved my laptop much farther away. Two minutes later when reaching for the glass I knocked it over. I'm glad to know I can subconsciously read the future.

- I really never talk to girls. The eight last people I received text messages from are guys, and the ninth is a girl, but she's gay. See my point? There's also Jessica, but she's my childhood best friend turned pretty much sister, and that doesn't count.

- When people order food at my place of employment, and I explain to them that if they get the larger pizza (with the same shit on it) it costs less, and they say no... It makes me want to take a fucking samurai sword and slice my own arm off.

- Speaking of samurai swords, maybe it's not such a good idea to break into houses because look at what happened to this guy: JHU student kills burglar with samurai sword! Don't fuck with college students, they're already stressed out enough to kill from shit like essays and speeches.

- I'm outside and a gigantic beetle just flew into my lap and now that I have removed it whilst screaming, I am just fully creeped out.

- I ordered Pizza Hut. I work for Domino's. I feel like a traitor. (It was good.)

- Someone I know recently said something along the lines of "Lady Gaga is the queen of pop, fuck Madonna".

OH NO YOU DIDN'T!?

Please take back that statement, forget about Lady Gaga's sex crazed music videos, and take a second to remember who Madonna is:




Lady Gaga queen of pop my ass, Madonna may be older and refined now, but that doesn't change a damn thing!

- On my last note, I notice that lots of movie scenes feature people waving to other people who are leaving in cars. Thing is, the people waving goodbye are often standing in the middle of the road. Who does that!? Especially in say, NYC!? I would be happy if they got hit by a bus or a bike messenger or something after standing in the road for fucking ever, now that would be a movie.

I'm gonna go now, I have photography (shitty art attempt) to attend to!

<33

I hate when this happens.

I'm blank! Completely blank! All day I've been thinking of all the things I wanted to write about tonight. I had some good shit (seriously, I'm not joking), but now it's all gone. I can't remember any of it. I just reheated Chinese food and ate that to see if the Asian magic would refresh my memory, but that didn't work either.

So I guess I'm just going to recap what's been going on lately, and hope something comical comes out of it. Pre-warning, this is probably going to be a shitty post.



Last night we celebrated my friend's 18th birthday. Yes, so young. Though I can't really say anything, since I'm only a year and a half older. Anyways, we had some good times, it was a great evening. The picture above is of Dustin (Asian birthday boy with the big ears) and Cameron (read him at CzarSheehan) drinking the night away. Mikee and Mat were also in attendance. So was Cameron's brother, but he plays video games so consistently it never quite feels like he's actually there if you get what I mean.

Anywho, Mikee, Cameron, and Dustin, fit together like bread, peanut butter, and jelly. They all have the same humor (which I find hilarious and others would not understand at all) and when they get together they constantly bounce jokes off one another, for ever. It's like a comedy triangle. It is perfect, and a highlight of my life. I haven't laughed as much as I did last night in a while.

So yeah, that party was the reason for my shit day today. I had to take Dustin & Mikee all the way back to Mobile (hour drive there, hour drive back), and then go to work, and let me tell you! Caitlin was not feeling so hot. I slept curled in a ball on Cameron's couch and the resulting neck cramp was of great annoyance, plus I was slightly hungover. I bitched out at work, and got someone to cover for me. So now I'm home early and everyone, EVERYONE, decided to invite me out on the one night I just want to sleep. Of course. That's always what happens. The night that I'm so hyper I resemble a crack head, have tons of cash, and no work the next day, everyone will either be sleeping, out of town, or dead or something. As my mother says, Murphy's Law.

On to more boring stuff, yesterday Jessica (my very best friend ever) got her first tattoo, courtesy of my tattoo artist also, CW of Royal Street Tattoo. It is very pretty and I was an idiot and forgot to take a picture of the finished product but I do have this.



It was nice watching someone else go through so much pain. I'm usually the one under the needle, never have I been in the other chair, watching the madness. It was a nice break. Next week the break's over and I'm back to pain. I can't wait for my sleeve to be finished!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! I BEAT WAL-MART'S FUCKING ASS.
Yeah, next week I get an upgrade to nicer tires for free (brand new Goodyears), a set of locking lug-nuts, and a little cash back for my troubles. I don't feel bad since Wal-Mart could easily pay for my entire life. I'm glad I got them back. Maybe next time they won't be such idiots.

Alright, randomness, since I don't know what else to do:

- Was driving on the interstate today and caught the travel bug that easily. I want to go go go! Something about just being on those highways with trees on both sides going 80 mph gets me so antsy. I absolutely love traveling via car. Pulling off the interstate to go home today was a shitty moment. I wanted to just keep going.

- I have been coughing horribly for the last few days and I want to rip my throat out. How come everyone else gets to stay home when they don't feel so hot but I soldier through as if nothing is different? Maybe because I'm broke and they can afford to stay home. We'll go with that.

- I live with too many people (just so you know), and one of them has a little Boston Terrier named Boo (why!?). Well I have a one year old 10lb Lion King cat named Kokoro. Kokoro was raised by my German Shepherd and myself, so he grew up loving dogs. He plays and sleeps with my big dog constantly, has never had any problems with new dogs (plays with most of them too), and he's pretty much the greatest cat ever. Even so, for some unknown reason, Kokoro hates the shit out of Boo. Either he hates him or has decided Boo is actually a mini impala meant to die for his pleasure. Kokoro doesn't hiss at him or growl at him, he stalks him, charges him, slaps him, terrorizes him, and the other day he tackled Boo, pinned him on the ground, and just started whacking the shit out of him. He was in such a frenzy he bit my Mom when she picked him up and he never does stuff like that. So yeah, they have to stay separated now. I feel sorry for Boo, he's fucking terrified and he did nothing to deserve this. At least my cat can beat the shit out of a dog. I hope you don't get the impression that he is crazy, because he isn't. He's sweet and kind, and very non cat like.

- I just wrote a full paragraph about my cat. Number one sign this post is going to shit!

- I took some pictures the other day. I'm trying to get back into photography but I don't ever want to explore this little town and that is 75% of my problem. The other 25% being I have a camera that doesn't even have a setting to set the shutter speed. It's so crappy. I got these two the other night though:



- A random mob of hyperactive teenage girls attacked me in April, when I was in Chinatown in DC, because I had a camera and they wanted their fucking pictures, like now. So I took pictures of them (well, was rather forced into it) and the girl snatched my phone and typed in her email (you have no idea how forceful she was) and asked me to send them to her. I just got around to it, two days ago. This should give you an idea of my procrastination problem. April!? Here is one of them:



- I just can't think of anything I actually wanted to write about so I'm ending this. Maybe after I get some sleep I'll actually remember something. Before you go, an acting lesson from Keanu Reeves, courtesy of Comixed.

Tarantino has done it again.

Inglourious Basterds:
"You probably heard we ain't in the prisoner-takin' business; we in the killin' Nazi business. Business is a-boomin'." I have always been a fan of Quentin Tarantino's films (well, mostly), and I thought Death Proof was maybe the best thing ever. Nope. Inglourious Basterds is everything I could want from a movie. It was over two hours long and I was still sad when it ended. I wish it could have been five hours long. There is one thing that I can say adamantly (and I hope others can as well), and that is that I hate Nazis. They deserve(d) to die in the worst way imaginable, in my opinion. That is all this movie is about. Sweet Jew revenge in the form of killin' Nazis. Taking scalps as well. There is even a Nazi killing character nicknamed "The Bear Jew". I ask you, what can get better than that? The dialogue was amazing, as per the usual for Tarantino. Usually I'd much rather watch action scenes then hear people talk but that's not the case for the majority of his movies. The man is just a cult classic genius. The action scenes, well, let's just say I got over-excited about them. Especially the ending, wowza! Let me tell you, my adrenaline was pumping and I actually found myself involuntarily clapping! I never do this, but I just couldn't fucking help myself.

I give it five out of five, and would give it more if that wasn't totally unfair to other films.

Now for those of you who don't mind some dialogue spoilage, enjoy this taste of the Basterds:

Brad Pitt (Lt. Aldo Raine): [Drawing a map] Up the road apiece, there's a orchard. Now, besides you, we know there's another kraut patrol fuckin' here somewhere. Now if that patrol were to have any crackshots, that orchard would be a goddamn sniper's delight. Now if you ever want to eat a sauerkraut sandwich again, you gotta show me on this map where they are, you gotta tell me how many there are, and you gotta tell me what kinda artillery they're carrying with 'em.
Nazi: You can't expect me to divulge information that would put German lives in danger?
Brad Pitt: Well Werner, that's where you're wrong, because that's exactly what I expect. I need to know about Germans hiding in them trees, and you need to tell me. And you need to tell me right now. Now take your finger and point out on this map where this party's being held, how many's coming, and what they brought to play with.
Nazi: I respectfully refuse.
Brad Pitt: [a smack is heard offscreen] Here that? That's Sgt. Donny Donowitz. But you might know him better by his nickname. The Bear Jew. Now, if you heard of Aldo the Apache, you gotta have heard of the Bear Jew.
Nazi: I have heard of the Bear Jew.
Brad Pitt: What did you hear about him, Werner?
Nazi: He beats German soldiers with a club
Brad Pitt: He bashes their brains in with a baseball bat is what he does. Now, Werner, I'm gonna ask you one more goddamn time, and if you still "respectfully refuse," I'm callin' the Bear Jew over here, and he's gonna take that big-ole bat of his, and he's gonna beat you to death with it. Now take your wiener schnitzel lickin' finger and point out on this map what I want to know.
Nazi: Fuck you.
[pause]
Nazi: And your Jew dogs!
[the Basterds all laugh]
Brad Pitt: Actually, Werner, we're all tickled to here you say that. Frankly, watchin' Donny beat Nazis to death is is the closest we ever get to goin' to the movies.
[Calling offscreen]
Brad Pitt: DONNY!
Bear Jew: [From offscreen] Yeah?
Brad Pitt: We got a German here who wants to die for his country! Oblige him!

I'm putting the blame on parents, always.

This post at See Kori Rant is the inspiration for what you're about to read. Specifically the comments on her post.



Disclaimer: I am only 19 years old, I have no children, I have limited experience with children. That being said, I like to think I am not a complete idiot on the subject.

I am sick, sick, sick, sick, sick of hearing people blame children's issues on technology! My "common-sense-meter" rings loud and clear on that making no sense whatsoever!

Parents, if your kid is an asshole to other kids, that is your fault! Not MTV's! If your kid brings a gun to school, or a knife, that is a complete fail on your part, not Grand Theft Auto's! If your kid kills someone, you were either the shittiest parent ever, or your kid is psychotic and there is simply nothing that will change that. If you think the TV or video game is influencing your child too heavily TURN THAT SHIT OFF. A child will only derive such influence from technology if the parent is going a completely fucking shit job. Sure kids like TV. They also like outings at the park, outside, with their family and friends much better! If they don't, it's probably a sign that you have already begun to fail.

I played a lot of video games as a child. I watched some gory movies and some outrageous TV shows. I even snuck in some porn at some point (I know right?! ZOMG?!). I blew people up left and right on that television set, tore people's heads off, ran people over with cars, shot people, gassed people, sold drugs, stole cars, laundered money. I even ate mushrooms to grow bigger! Guess what people?

I'm a perfectly fine, polite, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, classy young lady. Well, I try anyways. I owe it all to my single bisexual mother, because she is a GOOD PARENT.

So stop putting the blame on technology. Technology is awesome, it entertains us, saves lives, helps us discover new things, but it does not, and it will never, parent children. PARENTS, PARENT, CHILDREN.

It's time to start blaming the parents, 100% of the time, so these kids can get back on track.

<33

A great movie, and a bad one.

Let's get down to it.



(500) Days Of Summer:
Simply amazing. There is not much I can say about this movie without giving too much away, but I can say that I loved it. Will definitely be buying it. Loved how it was "artsy" as well, and included some not so normal characters, and was pretty much realistic (which can't be said about many movies). If you can, go see this, now. It is not a love story chick flick.

I give it five out of five, definitely.



Final Destination 3D:
Ugh. I knew this movie was going to suck, but I went to see it anyways because I have to wait to see Inglourious Basterds and I had nothing to do, plus the people I saw it with are cool and I wanted to hang out with them. Even so, what terrible acting! Cliche characters as always, the muscle ridden jock guy was an in-sensitive asshole, the kind of cute guy was the caring one, the pierced guy was psychotic, etc. The only reason these movies get attention is because of the extremely gory death scenes, which is the only reason I enjoyed one second of it.

I give it two out of five, and only because of the completely unrealistic yet entertaining death scenes.

So there you go, do what you will with these words of movie knowledge. Be gone!

PS. Happy Labor Day!

<33

This be one long Mother F.

Did you like my attempt at gangsta talk? No? I didn't care anyways.

I haven't written in like two or three days. I've barely even been on the computer. Already I'm like, overwhelmed with stuff to read and everything I want to write about is floating around in my head. I want these things to stop floating and plant themselves in some soil and grow, but nope. It appears that most people sort of have plans for their blogs. This one started out as personal, to write down literally everything I do, and that got sort of boring. So I don't know what the plan is. I don't know how comedic I am, or what story I'm really trying to tell. Mostly I like to keep things random and light, but I'm liking that many people have taken on the idea of putting aside certain days for certain things. Like Wednesday Movie Review day, or Friday Drinking Game day, or such and such random stuff I couldn't make into one post day. I can't think of anything clever right now, so I'm staying random, all the time, but one day, I will have a plan people, and you should prepare accordingly.

So yeah, time to get to that random shit.



- I love my phone (G1 Android). I found a free application today that turns it into a metal detector. A freaking metal detector. I'm beginning to believe that phones, literally, can do everything, ever thought of, ever. Also, while at Royal Street Tattoo last week, I heard someone's phone make the little noise Auto bots make when they transform. I whipped my head around so fast I scared the guy and screamed, "TRANSFORMERS!?" He was all, "You need to calm down" about it, but needless to say my phone now makes that noise every time I get a text message. It. Is. Beautiful.

- I found out I have a rare instinct. Today I was driving around and I subconsciously noticed that every time a new Camaro, or Porsche, etc drove past, my eyes would zone in on it before I could even register what it was. So yeah, I have the "Look, nice car" instinct. It's a plague.

- I was in an elevator today (also), and on the way up and down I got stuck on it with the two same little pre-teens. They were annoying to say the least, but at the very end of the trip back down, one of them proudly told me, "We're 12 and we smoke cigarettes" and jogged away. Well thanks kid, I couldn't have finished my day without hearing that. It's totally need to know information.

- The guy who works with me, Harold, the dumb one who can't spell, smells like a wet badger, and is just lost in this world, is married. With children. That's right, he somehow found a soul-mate and has not just one child, but multiple children. It pains me to think that someone would actually procreate with him?! I wonder what she's like. I should look into that, it would be like a nature show.

- I can't let my mother handle issues for me anymore. I used to want her to, but now when she starts I'm immediately ashamed and shoo her away. I don't know why, I guess she's finally sort of getting... Old-ish? Maybe I just want to tackle my own problems. I don't know how to explain this to her without hurting her feelings, it's a dilemma.

- I delivered to a lady the other day. She said she was on E 3rd St. She said that more than once. She was on W 3rd Ave. There is a huge difference, a HUGE difference, and when I got to her house after searching for an hour thanks to her stupidity, I had to hold back from shanking her.



I hate Wal-Mart. I've mentioned this before right? I'm sure I have. Let me reiterate. I HATE WALLY WORLD WITH A FUCKING BURNING PASSION. Do you want to hear about what they put me through over the last two days? Yes, you do, you need to know. I deliver pizza so I drive a fuckload of miles, all the time. Tires don't last long. Since I've had the car (over two years) I've never gotten brand new tires, always used ones. Well this time, I said F that! Time for the new. Stupidly though, I gave myself four hours to complete this "getting new tires" process. I couldn't wait because two of the old ones were starting to rip, and everyone on Earth said they were going to blow out at any second. I called every single mechanic/tire place within a 30 minute distance. None of them had new OR used tires in stock in the size I needed. So I did that oh so dreadful thing, and called Wal-Mart. They had them, four of them, brand spanking new, for a cheap price. I was all, "Heck yeah! Doesn't sound so shabby!" about it, and drove off to Wally World. I got there, gave them my keys, my information, etc. I waited. I waited for two hours. Finally they pulled my car into shop. All was well in the world. Then it started.

Lemme explain something, K? People steal rims. They don't have to be amazing rims, they can be mediocre, people still steal them. People are assholes. My car's rims, have these things called locking lug-nuts. One locking lug-nut on each rim. To get these lug-nuts off, you have to first fit the key (the key that only works for those lug-nuts, hence the term KEY) over them, then remove them. Simple, safe, smart. No one has ever had a problem removing them with the key.

Well, the great fucking people at Wal-Mart, broke the key. Before removing the lug nuts. You know what that means right? The old, ripped, dangerous, tires were subsequently stuck on my car. I overheard their dickhead manager talking about the situation during the whole thing. His words: "We shouldn't even be working on these special import type rims, and fancy shit. Why are we doing this?" -_- My rims are in no way "special", or "imported", they are "everyday", and "plain". If these guys saw specialty imported rims they would probably shit their pants. So Wal-Mart half asses an apology to me and calls up the mechanic place next door and sends me over there so they can remove the lug-nuts. Removing them by the way, now means breaking them, essentially performing legal theft on my rims. My lug-nuts broke these other guy's tools, so they gave up, and called five other mechanics, who all said no. Finally they found a place willing to remove them, in the next city over. My four hours was up, so I said fuck it, and went to work. Nervous as a cat on crack, I might add, since at this point if my tire had blown out, I would have had to get the car towed since I wouldn't have been able to remove the rims, which means I wouldn't have been able to put a spare on.

I survive to the next day. I take my car to the city over, they spend three hours getting the lug-nuts off, charge me a ridiculous amount, and I head back over to Wally World. I show them the bill and they pay for it. Do they actually give me anything free or discount me anything? No. Then guess what they do? I have after market valve stems on my car, stupid little things, but they cost $30. They throw those away and put new plastic ones on, and then charge me for it. Then they charge me for new lug-nuts even though it's their fault I didn't have said lug-nuts. I didn't realize all this until I got home. I'm pissed (even more). Think I should go back and raise hell? I need encouragement to fight this battle.

Well, I guess I'm done ranting for now. I hope everyone has a fun, safe, exciting Labor Day weekend. I'll be working. Please tip your delivery driver, and tip big.



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