The Pros & Cons of Washington, DC

Ever since I moved my friends have been constantly asking me how things are going, what I've been up to, how is the city, blah blah blah.

Since nothing else really interesting has happened to me lately (other than working two weeks in a row without an off-day and falling in love with raspberry beer) I've decided to answer everyone in-masse. Who knows, maybe new DC residents will find this list helpful? Probably not.

We'll start with the good and move onto the bad.

DC's Pros:
- MUSIC SCENE. Since living here I've seen We Are Scientists, and on Tuesday I'll be seeing Of Montreal. Last month I missed the Crystal Method, and this weekend I will be missing Vampire Weekend and Beach House, but down the line I can look forward to the Foals, Benny Benassi, Sara Bareilles, Klaxons, Stars, Rogue Wave, The xx, Rob Zombie, and Interpol, just to name a few. Will I actually make it to all of those events? No, I'm too poor, but I'll certainly be at some of them. Having so many different wonderful shows come through the area not only has me thrilled but overloaded. In addition I just so happen to live within two miles of the Black Cat and the 9:30 Club, which makes life even sweeter.
- FOOD. Gone are the days of McDonalds, Waffle House, shitty produce from Wal-Mart, and redundant chain restaurants. If I want to eat cheap I can pick up wallet-friendly yet delicious ethnic food from one of the many restaurants near my apartment, or from one of the food trucks, if I want to spend some cash I have so many ridiculously good places to choose from I have no choice but to use Urbanspoon as a decision maker. Grocery shopping is fun, you have your staples like Whole Foods, Safeway, Giant, and Harris Teeter, but you also have your farmer's markets, bodegas, and other small local markets that carry a delicious inventory.
- WEATHER. Sure, it's been pretty hot lately, but compared to the beaches of Alabama, it's nothing. The cooler days have been fantastic and I'm thrilled for fall and winter to arrive. Seasons are nice to have after living somewhere that has a persistent summer and a few chilly days.
- PEOPLE. I've met so many awesome people in DC, heard so many different opinions, and learned so many new things, it's awesome. Who knows how many people I could meet in a years time, let alone five years time.
- ART. Whether it be films, photography, paintings, graffiti, it's everywhere, the new, the old, the classy and respected, and the gritty and offensive, and I love it.
- IKEA. Okay well technically it's in Maryland and not really a big deal, but I love IKEA so it's going on the list.
- IT'S THE CAPITOL. I don't care much about the monuments, and the National this and the National that, but I think everyone who lives here has to admit, it does feel nice to live in the most politically powerful city in the world.
- GAY PEOPLE. They're everywhere, and every time I run into a fabulous gay man I want to grab him by the hand and run off to Georgetown and buy chocolates at Dean & Deluca and just have a jolly good time. (Disclaimer: I was raised by lesbians, and various gay men are as close as I got to having any father figures, so I'm just destined to want to bond with them all.)
- ROCK CREEK PARK. If you come to DC, go there, if you live here and don't like it, fuck you. RCP is sooooooooo awesome, I feel like I'm nowhere near DC when I'm there and that is a feat my friend.

DC's Cons:
- PARKING TICKETS. I'm very nearly convinced the parking enforcement people that work in DC are Nazi's. Where to park, when to park, and how long to stayed parked, has been on the forefront of my mind ever since I got here. I've spent so much money on tickets, it's not even remotely something I want to joke about.
- TRAFFIC. It's gotten to the point where if my destination is over 3 miles away, I usually don't go. If you call me while I'm driving in DC, pretty much the entire time I'm just going to be yelling at people that can't even hear me and flipping off cab drivers. There's also this stoplight on New Jersey Ave, right before the M St intersection before you turn onto New York Ave by 395, that I have to go through everyday to get to work, and I swear to you, the light only stays green for FIVE FUCKING SECONDS. I want to take that stoplight, tie it to a large heavy object, and sink it into the middle of the Pacific ocean so I never have to look at it again.
- PEOPLE. I know I listed people as a pro, but it's also a con. Homeless people begging you for money all the time and then giving you dirty looks when you don't give in. Assholes on the Metro who stand on the left side of the escalator and don't board the trains correctly. Any and all tourists. Snooty pretentious bitches. Creepy guys. There's a great deal of annoying people here, but really that goes for any large city.
- METRO. I used to really love the Metro, enjoy riding it, and thought it was the bee's knees. Then I had to use it to get me to work, and all those happy feelings went flying through the window. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate Metro, I do still enjoy it when I'm not in a hurry and I do feel it's superior to many other cities public transportation, but you can only deal with so many delays and fuck-ups before you just give up.
- PUBLIC SERVICES. Need a trash-can? Well it's not easy to get one. Need a driver's license? It's not easy to get one. Need a parking pass? It's not easy to get one. What happens if you don't get these things? Fines. 'Nuff said.
- H ST CONSTRUCTION. If you don't have to deal with it you're lucky, I feel like I'm killing my car every time I drive down H St.

Obviously, the pros far outweigh the cons for me and I love this city. You can greatly reduce your daily stress by not owning a car and just riding a bike everywhere. I'm glad I'm finally back in my hometown, and I don't know if I'll ever leave again.

By the way, if you're up for arguably the best sandwiches in DC, come see me at work at Taylor Gourmet, the K St location at the corner of 5th. I promise we'll cure your munchies.





PS. The awesome photos in this post are taken by Danilo Lewis, and appear here.

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Time for some other highlights.

I never really had time to write more about the DC trip until now. I'm going to make this short.

It was awesome, Alabama sucks.

That's all I got. No, really, Fotoweek was amazing. The Metro didn't take too long to get me anywhere while I rode it, so no complaints there. The energy prior to the Capitols game in Chinatown was awesome and for the first time in my life I wanted to go to a hockey game. I actually think once I move up to DC I may just get into sports. I can't believe I just said that, but yeah. I think it's gonna happen.



Tono Sushi: Good as always. They have some amazing sushi. They have expanded their menu since the last time I ate there and my Mom got Thai (as always) and that was good too. When I live in DC I will definitely be getting food delivered from them if I live close enough. The spicy tuna rolls are making me hungry just thinking about them.

As mentioned already, Fotoweek along with the permanent museums all over DC definitely gave me my fix in art. I think browsing art is one of the most important activities one can partake in, unless of course you just don't appreciate art, and if you're one of those people you're a douchebag and I don't want to ever talk to you again. Seriously. Art is one of the few things I think the human race got right.





Those are spaces in which one can go through a huge range of emotion.

Georgetown, thanks again for reminding me that I am broke as shit. If I ever win the lottery I will definitely spend a huge amount of it on clothing in that neighborhood.

All in all, the trip was a success, and I had a great time with mi madre.



The trip back was the suck. We got caught in the remnants of "hurricane" Ida and it took a whopping 19 hours to get home (usually takes 14-15). I kept having to pull over because of the storm, the truckers decided it was a perfect time to drive like complete jackasses, the rain turned into tiny little ice crystals, and it was fucking freeeeeezing. Mostly due to the high winds (that blew my tiny Celica all over the interstate).

There was one thing we experienced on the way home that made the long drive worth it. Maybe you had to have been there, but it was the funniest thing I've seen in a while, and somehow, I got a picture of it with the cellular.



We actually had to hop over it multiple times, and well of course we didn't tell him it was there! I don't think it would have been so funny, if not for the immense length of the toilet paper. Poor guy. Hahahahaha.

That's it for now. I'm off to wallow in my depression stemming from being back in Alabama. I will also be stuck here for longer than previously planned, due to the fact that my army friend (a best friend) is coming back for New Years, and I don't feel right about not taking the opportunity to see him. So I will wait. All I can say is, 2010, don't let me down.

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Hey there, Washington, DC...

I'm excited to be seeing you again. *Raises eyebrows*

Seriously though, I have some questions. Well one. All that traffic today, on a Sunday? The FUCK? If that HOV lane had not been opened, I might have committed suicide. I usually don't mind DC traffic (Read: Tolerate it, but still dislike it), but this afternoon when we arrived I was running on two hours of sleep. Two hours of sleep I got about 30 hours ago. Two hours of sleep I got about 30 hours ago, on top of 9 hours of work before driving 15 hours to DC. You bitches.

Regardless, I love this city. If you know me, you know that. I was born in Fairfax, VA, and the DC area is my home base. I was raised in Alabama for the most part, but I've always hated Alabama, and I've always found myself drawn back to DC. Hence why this is my seventh time here in the last few years, and why I plan on moving back here and going to college.

This city could beat me like an abusive husband and I would come crawling back to it, saying I could love no other. It's that real. Yeah.

If you follow me on Twitter (which you better), then you already know I've been tweeting about the trip like crazy. If you'd like a ongoing description of everything, I'm here for you.

The reason this trip is so important, compared to the others, is that this trip is the last trip. Next time I come up here (1-3 months) I will not leave. Yeah, I'd be excited if I was you too.

Anyways, I'm off to run around spending money. I'm so excited to sit down on the Metro and let it take me everywhere as opposed to driving. Even though Metro hasn't been doing so great from what I've heard, but it's better than driving in my current condition.

If any of you know of anything super fun going on in DC during the next three days, let me know!

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Tourists. I mean seriously?

This post at 2birds1blog made me decide to finally write that post about tourism I've been wanting to write all summer. WARNING: This post contains some heavy language as I tend to get pretty riled up about tourism.

Tourists can be good. They bring money to an area (especially mine, Gulf Shores, AL), they are interesting to watch sometimes, etc. Usually though, I just want to grab them and shake them uncontrollably while yelling "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?!".

Let's examine some things shall we?

1) Driving.
They suck at it. I mean they suck fucking donkey balls at it. They drive twenty miles under the speed limit, they never use any signals, they ride your ass, or block you in the left lane. They look at you all horribly offended and what not when you pass them, or have your music turned up even a wee bit, or do anything that doesn't fit their pearly little image of their perfect vacation. Hey, you, with the fanny pack, I'm not on fucking vacation, I'm late for work, where I'll actually end up serving your kind, so can you please just meander over to the right lane (where you can literally go as slow as you want because in the common sense world that is what it's for!) and get the fuck out of my way. Mostly it's just tourists that don't follow the left is for cruising, right is for passing rule but sometimes LOCALS do it too and I hate them even more. When locals drive like jackasses it's just a downright betrayal. Unfortunately I live in Alabama where one is more likely to know how to drive a tractor then a car (JK Alabama, I have to poke fun at you sometimes though), but tourists still always outrank locals when it comes to shitty driving. They are just completely oblivious to the person behind them pumping their fists up and down, screaming, and swerving in anger (psh, yeah that's me!). They are instead moseying along in their minivan, looking at the 1,000th palm tree they've seen, getting excited over fucking sand, while not realizing they're going 20 mph in a 45. On a one lane road. Blocking traffic. Blocking traffic for miles. And miles. Forever. Hey, guess what? You wanna sight see? Fucking walk! Also, our ambulances, firetrucks, and police personnel are not toys. They're real. People have emergencies and die here too (I know, crazy!), so please move the fuck over. It marvels me how many of you just sit there like a retarded duck. One last thing, turning lanes, use them. Those arrows in the middle pointing to either direction, those are instructions. It's not just a big fucking blank spot to look at, it has a purpose. Purpose, people, PURPOSE.

2) Children.
Do you even know what your child is doing right now? Eating dog poop! Yeah, fucking look at them! I don't know why, but it seems that when people are on vacation they forget everything they've ever learned when it comes to social interaction, and this includes their kids. My friend Gaynelle recently told me a story about how this one kid in the restaurant she works at was literally shoving about fifty packets of sugar into his mouth, becoming more hyperactive by the second, and making a holy mess. When the parents were finally politely asked if they were seeing this, their response was, "Oh! Well we're on vacation so you know, yeah, whatever." and *shrug*. Um, what? Just because you're on vacation doesn't mean your kid all of a sudden became immune to sugar, the sugar is magically invisible and doesn't have to be cleaned up, and we're all deaf and can't hear your subsequently balls to the wall hyper spawn screaming at the top of his/her lungs. Some other points, when it's dark outside, and your kids run out into the middle of the road in traffic, and you do nothing to correct this because you're drunk (yeah, very drunk, all the time, because you're on fucking vacation), doesn't mean we're not going to kill your kids accidentally. You know why? Vacation doesn't magically give people crazy tiger night vision and super reflexes. What if we're drunk? Huh? Ever think of that? We freaking live here, on the beach, I mean, we should be drunk 24/7 right (since you certainly are)? Remember this next time.

3) You look and act like an idiot.
Seriously. Do you wear that at home? No? I didn't think so, so why in the hell would you wear it here?! I know a great thing about vacation is the fact that you can do anything stupid and no one knows you, but have some fucking dignity. Also, seriously? Do you act that way at home? You really block the aisle in the grocery store with your five shopping carts arguing with your co-vacationer about what you have and don't have at the condo, eventually just forcing me to be rude and grunt in a mean fashion while pushing your shit out of the way. I mean, seriously. *Sigh*

I can't write anymore because if I do, I'm liable to go buy a gun and blow my head off just thinking about it. If you're a tourist and you don't do any of this, well then kudos to you!

Although, I know you will continue to plague me in DC, where the meaning of "Walk left, stand right", will hold no meaning to you, no matter how many times locals push you out of the way.

God damn you ignorant tourist creature from hell. God damn you.

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I mastered the art of the multitask!

Not only was I driving with my knee, while talking, I WAS ALSO PLAYING GALAGA ON MY PHONE, WITH BOTH HANDS. Yes, be proud. I even SWITCHED LANES. Mwuahhahahahaah. Some of you are probably thinking I should not be on the road now, but today was also the day I found out that my monthly car insurance payment went down by $30! You know what that means? It means I'm safe, which means that obviously I am so incredibly multifaceted that I can afford to play Galaga while driving everyday of my life.
Just kidding, I will not even attempt that shit in DC, so only you Alabamians should be afraid. :]

Let's see, today...
Corporate was supposed to show up at work to terrorize us, but alas, they never came. This always happens, and I'm starting to think it is merely a trick, in order to get us to do more even more work.
Almost made it to the last showing of Julie & Julia, but work made me just 10 minutes too late, and since I absolutely will not risk missing any of that movie, it will have to wait for later in the week.
This evening I have developed an unexplainable pain under my rib cage, and it is tormenting. I want to stretchhhhhhhh to make it go away, but it would probably look funny trying to type on my laptop with my entire side arched with my head cocked to one side and my arm reaching toward the sky. I guess I will have to suffer.
I really am leaning toward that spontaneous weekend trip up to DC. It's been almost four months since I've left Alabama (if you don't count Atlanta, and I don't, since that place offers nothing except an endless amount of people who want things), and I am getting quite antsy.
I have to upload over 500 pictures and videos, and rip all of my CD's to my (new-ish) laptop tonight. Hooray for no sleep once again!

Better get started!

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