Hey um, cold weather...

I really enjoy hanging out with you cold weather, but you're leaving again! Why so soon? You're supposed to stick around until March at least! You definitely seemed to be loving Nashville, what do you have against us on the coast of Alabama? Teasing us by hanging out for a few days is a pretty bitch move. Just sayin'. Hot weather, fuck you. I'm breaking up with you, and I don't want to see you again until June. Actually I may not want to ever see you again, you dick.

In case you're retarded, I'm quite unhappy about this psycho weather fluctuation. It's fall, it's supposed to be chilly, not hot, you dumb fucking atmosphere.

Anyways...

- I delivered some pasta to some stupid teenager the other day (yeah I know I'm still 19, shut up). After I gave her the food the following conversation took place:

Twit: "Soo ummm, they don't, like, send those free cake thingies with pasta anymoreeeee?"
Me: "No, that was just an introductory promotion for the Lava Cakes."
Twit: "Introductory... What?"
Me: "It was just a thing they did at first to promote the Lava Cakes, to get people to try them."
Twit: "So like, they're never going to be free again?"
Me: "....No...."
Twit: "BUMMERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! That's so laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame! Whatevaaa."
Me: "Hah, yeah... Have a nice day."
Twit: *Half smile/ nod/ I'm a total cunt bitch who needs to go back to elementary school look.*

I wanted to go to my car, grab my fine-tipped Sharpie, and run back inside to attempt to stab her to death in the eye with it. I hope that when she gets a little bit older than 15 she learns to talk. If I one day find out she's actually older than me, I will lose all hope for the human race.

- If one more grocery store cashier tries to tell me what to do with my debit card, I will punch them in the face, and then punch them in the face again. I run my debit card as credit. If you're one of the many people who for some really fucked up reason didn't know you can run debit as credit, yes, you can. I'll explain, when you use plastic you are transferring electronic funds to whatever company you're purchasing merchandise from. They are taking money from somewhere. The only difference is this: Debit cards have money you put on them. Credit cards have money someone else put on them that you are borrowing and will eventually pay back. The card can be run as either thing. I run it as credit because I don't like to enter my PIN number in public (it's incredibly easy to remember four numbers) and banks usually have some incentive for you to run your card as credit. My bank used to give me points for "all non-PIN purchases" which means, run your card as credit for everything. Anyways, these fucking cashiers lately have been arguing with me. I'll try to run it as credit and it won't work (because the strip is diminishing fucked) and then they insist on trying themselves and they're all, "Oh well it's a DEBIT card, silly!". Then when it still doesn't work and I ask for a plastic bag to put over the strip so it'll work they ignore me and continue to waste ten minutes of my life trying to swipe my card 687 times. When they finally give into me asking for a bag, I take about 7 seconds to wrap it in the plastic, swipe it, and successfully run it through as credit. If these cashiers would just listen to me upfront then the line wouldn't be held up to Michigan and back, and I wouldn't be royally pissed off.

It's like people who try to tell me my dog is not a German Shepherd, but a Collie mix. She's a long haired bi-color German Shepherd. The people who come off like they know everything about dogs, literally know nothing about German Shepherds, and I find it ridiculous that they spend time arguing with me about it even though I have her papers, drove to PA to get her from a very good breeder, and have an extensive purebred pedigree on her. The people who know dogs? They say, "Oh that's a pretty German Shepherd!" They know immediately. Did you know German Shepherds can come in white, silver, all black, sable, and even "blue"? Well you do now.

Moral to these stories. If you're not 100% sure you know everything about anything, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

- Now that I've complained about everything ever, I leave you with this. Courtesy of the fine people of Nashville for introducing me to this. Also, don't hate me after watching. ;)



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